Work Satire Lover Gifts

'Welcome back, Cathy! Here are your phone messages!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

Whack-a-mole CEO.

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Our medical benefits are quite limited, basically we send you a memo telling you to take more exercise."

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

"For God's sake, just split the last donut!"

'Miss Chambers, requisition me some more clout.'

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, will do my job, and has no interest in having my job."

"But I already asked the other parent company. They told me to ask you."

Business Promotion.

'Mr. Donovan, is it all right if I tie my shoelace?'

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'