Career Satire Lover Gifts

Knowing that her doctorate in bio-physics made her profoundly overqualified for the job, Susan played dumb during the interview.

Personnel. Let's see what some of your former bosses say about you. Hmm ... This one says you stunk. That was normal, it was a fertilizer plant! And this one describes your work as up and down. That's good! It was a trampoline factory! Don't overlook the boss who gave me a performance review! Hey, you're absolutely right! But, unfortunately, that came when you were a safety officer at the nuclear power plant!

If you could be any vegetarian, which one would you be and why?

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Lethal Presentation

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"We have an acronym!"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

Up-to-date Career-Specific Romance Novels

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'