Career Satire Gifts

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'We don't have much at the moment for pimps.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

Up-to-date Career-Specific Romance Novels

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

Death Boss

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

Dolestart - A New Initiative

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

Boardroom cream pies.

'Mr. Donovan, is it all right if I tie my shoelace?'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'Are we replacing you with a computer? Ha! That's a good one. If we replaced you with a chimpanzee it would be over qualified.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

"The first of many cubicles..."

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

Office zombie.

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'You will have no hope of recognition or advancement. That's why you'll be underpaid.'

'The trouble with punctuality is that it makes the day so long!'