Career Satire Fan Gifts

"I want to be a footballer's wife."

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Non-Power Breakfast

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

Whack-a-mole CEO.

Up-to-date Career-Specific Romance Novels

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Scapegoat of the Year

"It's a swearbox."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.