Career Satire Fan Gifts

"I want to be a footballer's wife."

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

Non-Power Breakfast

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

Up-to-date Career-Specific Romance Novels

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'