Office Satire Fan Gifts

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"I like things to be done my own particular way by someone other than me."

"We've managed to outsource training to a company that will say 'yes sir,no sir' for 20% less."

'Honey, are we interested in making a contribution to the society for the ethical treatment of middle managers?'

Law Offices: Slip & Trip & Fall formerly Slip & Fall.

'Workers: The Queen expects all time-sheets filled in by C.O.B. tonight...'

'We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package.'

'Unfortunately, we've downsized everyone who knew what our hidden agenda was...'

'I just want you to know that you're a disgrace to every sloth in this jungle and to slothdom in general!'

"I said I want that report on office bullying and I want it now!"

"Hey, this drop-in slot is painted on!"

"Why don't you use this content management system?"

'Don't worry! The doctor's currently inspecting my stomach.'

'Congratulations on your promotion to vice president,'

The Adventures of Morton.

'Henderson! Find some DNA that matches mine and be quick about it!'

Scope Creep: Flasher whips open his raincoat, 'Hey Baby, stick THIS in your project!'

'Management very much believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivating staff.'

"Well yes, you're a worker, but I think we can both agree that you're not a hard worker now, can't we?"

"Why would I rehire you? The last time things got rough, you jumped ship."

"Well, an analysis of your actual productive output does not support how busy you claim to have been in your timesheets: Please explain..."

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

Clever clogs.

Man tips the contents of his outbox into the bin.

I HATE MONDAYS: what's a 'monday'?

"The sort of person we are looking for is someone who will work his socks off for very little in return. Are you that sort of person?"

"It's a map to the vending machines."

"$250,000 in consulting fees and all they come up with is that productivity goes down during hibernation season?"

'Can you account for this big order of nuts and bananas by your department?'

'Basically, they're saying 'they're rubber and we're glue'.'

"Failure is not an option (it comes bundled with the software)"

'Wonder why they never came back for their CEO, after all the rest were rescued, when our corporate cruise ship sank?!'

'There's no need for you to state your opinion, son. Just lipsynching mine will do fine.'

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

"This one suggests we stop sneaking off to a motel during the noon hour!"