Office Satire Buff Gifts

Mister Whitebread

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"