Office Satire Gifts

"I'm a big, big problem. Aren't I?"

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

"We're looking for a tough, aggressive guard dog. Have you been neutered? No, wait ??" I'm not allowed to ask that."

'The employees are angry because the company tennis courts are always busy!' 'LET THEM PLAY GOLF!'

Tedium

'Morale is fine. Why?'

Worker's outbox has a slide that goes directly into the wastebasket.

'...'I'll be out of the office for the rest of the week, on suspension without pay. . .'' - ''Diarrhea of the mouth' would sound more professional.'

'He started on the production line and has worked his way up!'

Imagine there's no office...

"You had two calls while you were out...both obscene."

'First, let me confirm a rumor. The next round of cuts will go deeper than originally announced.'

And you, Warren... you are now a vice president in charge of thinking up new titles for our never ending supply of vice presidents.

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Another day at work would be one too many...

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."