Office Satire Seeker Gifts

"...but if we're ever scraping the bottom of the barrel we'll be in touch."

Tech Support Values

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

The role of administration.