Office Life Satire Seeker Gifts

"I was promised plausible deniability."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"