Orderly Gifts

Ways to handle difficult patients.

A 'Good Luck' horseshoe hangs over the hospital operating room

"I tell you the computer in the hospital made a mistake!"

Yes, it does look refreshing

Policeman assessing crash between two gurneys.

"NURSE! Are you taking the piss?"

"You'll like this aide's dry sense of humor...real bedpan delivery."

Let's get organized

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Raptures

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

A military officer sits at his desk with desk trays marked 'Search' and 'Destroy.'

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

'...We go away for a long weekend - we get back and the garden's gone wild.'

The Complete Cycle.

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'Before a big presentation like this, it's imperative to have all your meds in a row.'

Desert Island Raking

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

A house is full of signs directing where things are stored.

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

Good disciplinarian gaining respect vs. scary nutcase.

"The closest we get to an intimate dining experience is ordering delivery together."

Method/Madness

'You should learn how to type! When you ordered 10 pizzas, you accidently added four zeros. A semi truck should arrive any time now.'

In case of urge to tidy up, clean glass.

"'Physick for the Cure of thy Ague'… When was the last time we cleared out this medicine cabinet?"

Come back, sir! "Leave room for cream" was a question, not directions.

Hell - "You can say what you like about this place.. At least they keep it clean."

"Yes, I do all my shopping online. How did you know?"

'That's it, I'm leaving: The new owners are keeping the house way too clean and tidy...'

He's the most obsessively neat captain I've ever worked for --- He has a dustbuster instead of a hook.