Ordering Gifts

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

'You should learn how to type! When you ordered 10 pizzas, you accidently added four zeros. A semi truck should arrive any time now.'

"I'll stick with the rubber pork chop."

Come back, sir! "Leave room for cream" was a question, not directions.

"Yes, I do all my shopping online. How did you know?"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'How is the water prepared?'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Monk Prompt

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'God does not call the qualified. He koala-fies the called.'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

'Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?'

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

'...and this is the Mess.'

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

'Pop-up Bible.'

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

Priest

The Complete Cycle.

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

'Look at all of God's children. Then again, they might be just thousands of tiny, little circles.'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'