Ordering Gifts

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

'You should learn how to type! When you ordered 10 pizzas, you accidently added four zeros. A semi truck should arrive any time now.'

"I'll stick with the rubber pork chop."

"Yes, I do all my shopping online. How did you know?"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'How is the water prepared?'

Monk Prompt

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

'Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?'

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

'...and this is the Mess.'

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

'Pop-up Bible.'

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

The Complete Cycle.

Priest

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

Church Hymn