Mail Ordering Gifts

Toast by Post

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'How is the water prepared?'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Santa called but you were out!

'Wow, I sure got a lot of mail today!'

'Grrrr....'

'The kids are grown and gone now, but they always keep in touch.'

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

Dog traps the postman.

'Beware of the teenager.'

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

"There's the mailman!"

The Complete Cycle.

Postman walking away from mailbox after putting mail in. Sounds of it eating can be heard.

Insta-Cat - Mailing a letter, I see.

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

"This is to apologise for the delay in internal mail that you wrote to us about in 1997"

'I don't think I could have picked a tougher line of work.'

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

'Next day to the coast! You must be nuts!'

Beware of the dog.

"Just junk mail."

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

Astronaut startled by post delivered to spaceship.

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

'My wife doesn't appreciate that I push the envelope every day.'

'Say, you've been working out!' A Weiner dog bites mail carrier on the butt.

In 5 Years...