Ordering In Gifts

"The closest we get to an intimate dining experience is ordering delivery together."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'I got tired of waiting and sent out for pizza!'

The Takeaway.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'How is the water prepared?'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Monk Prompt

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

'God does not call the qualified. He koala-fies the called.'

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

'Pop-up Bible.'

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

The Complete Cycle.

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

Priest

'Look at all of God's children. Then again, they might be just thousands of tiny, little circles.'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

'Before a big presentation like this, it's imperative to have all your meds in a row.'

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

Church Hymn

'The pastor is the one who tells all the kids to be quiet and sit down.'