Food Ordering Gifts

'How is the water prepared?'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

Home Fast Food Delivery

"Who ordered just a green salad?"

"I like the elephant in the room. With his memory he never screws up our lunch order!"

LAY ZEE FUK

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Rump roast?"

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Food deliverer's baby.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

French Early Bird

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Sisyphus Pizza

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

'I didn't have time to hunt'

"Yes, I'm the wise man who lives on the top of the mountain. And believe me, the surcharge for the pizza delivery service is insane!"

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

"Careful it's hot." (Colour)