Ordering Habits Gifts

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

How Amazon was invented

'How is the water prepared?'

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"This is crazy! We've been here only 10 minutes, we've spent all our money, and we've got nothing to show for it!"

Woman uses an ATM with buttons for: Grocery, Leverage Buyout, Start Up Capital, Shop Till You Drop.

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

"Hey, I just got a burst of consumer confidence- let's go buy something."

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."

'I went to see a personal shopper this afternoon. . . I thought I'd surprise you!'

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"You get one every time you order something online."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"I've been window-shopping..."

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

'Don't forget to delete cookies when you shop online!!"

File room: A subsidiary of the black hole of the universe

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

Welcome! Milk Convention!: 'Bourbon, milk chaser- no, make that milk, bourbon chaser.'

How do you like the new suit?

"She used to shop until she dropped, but with online shopping, we lost that protection."

"I like the elephant in the room. With his memory he never screws up our lunch order!"

'It was an impulse buy Mary. At 75 percent off in the New Year sale AND free home delivery. . .'

'Mail order? You said all the toys were hand-made!'

'You didn't realise she was so expensive? The clue is in the name!'

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

Two men fight with Law and Order signs.

"Your order is confirmed and your credit card has been charged. You have purchased one small liberal-arts college in New England. Thank you for your order."

"The closest we get to an intimate dining experience is ordering delivery together."