Opportunist Gifts

Man selling dirt and mud.

'That's the third wrong number today ordering pizza. Mrs. Beatton, put in a pizza department - we deliver!'

The right place at the right time. Whenever I find a place like this, It's always when I'm broke.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"'One Trip Per Person', read the sign above the salad bar. Luckily for Dan, he had cheek pouches."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Brian's always had a good nose for business."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

Business Books: How to profit from authoritarianism.

Take Away Wedding Cake 50p.

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

Were you aware, minion, that bees are dying off by the millions all over North America? No. Studies show it was caused by a certain type of pesticide that was introduced in the 1990s. A pesticide that nobody can prove was concocted by a young man in my - I mean, his - basement. Anyone who thought ahead and stocked an underground cavern with 50 tons of honey is going to clean up. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Very bad man.

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

Kid sells underwear outside of hospital emergency doorway.

'We have something with terrific fringe benefits. No salary - just fringe benefits.'

Dye now, pay later!

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

Hotel checkout.

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

Instant winner trash can

Best Seller: How you can profit from the upcoming terrorist upheavals.

I've organized us a double date with the twins from despatch. Cool! What are their names? Kylie and Troy.

On a late-night flight, fate presents Roger with a golden opportunity. Seizing the moment, he quickly adds two thousand years to his own life.

"It's a collection for Shirley. I want to take her to lunch."

'Your best bet, Ralph, is to win the lottery...'

All Around the world, business leaders are rising to the challenge of climate change. . .

'This isn't Lindsey, but I AM free for dinner saturday night.'

"You look at the ocean and see peace and tranquility. . . I see opportunities for offshore drilling!"

'These days, we don't encourage customers to make themselves at home anymore.'