Offer Opportunist Gifts

Hotel checkout.

Dye now, pay later!

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Take the picture, dam it, take the picture!"

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

Business Books: How to profit from authoritarianism.

'I'm getting the shrimp - it sounds really yummy!'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"Brian's always had a good nose for business."

Man selling dirt and mud.

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

Take Away Wedding Cake 50p.

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Origins of the 'Beard Of Bees'.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

Were you aware, minion, that bees are dying off by the millions all over North America? No. Studies show it was caused by a certain type of pesticide that was introduced in the 1990s. A pesticide that nobody can prove was concocted by a young man in my - I mean, his - basement. Anyone who thought ahead and stocked an underground cavern with 50 tons of honey is going to clean up. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Very bad man.

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

'When one trap door closes, another opens.'

'Better reception, more channels and we throw in the DVR for free!'

'We have something with terrific fringe benefits. No salary - just fringe benefits.'

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

'I didn't ask you to help me when it was $90 an ounce, and I didn't ask you to help me when it was $110 an ounce. But when it's $400 an ounce...'

Instant winner trash can

I've organized us a double date with the twins from despatch. Cool! What are their names? Kylie and Troy.

Best Seller: How you can profit from the upcoming terrorist upheavals.

"So you think people will line up to give us a job?"

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

'Your best bet, Ralph, is to win the lottery...'

BAM! BAM! BAM! I'm sure opportunity wouldn't knock like that!

Businessman thinking a nuclear bomb falling is a potential business opportunity.

"It's a collection for Shirley. I want to take her to lunch."