Education Opportunist Gifts

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Take the picture, dam it, take the picture!"

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

Business Books: How to profit from authoritarianism.

"Brian's always had a good nose for business."

Man selling dirt and mud.

Take Away Wedding Cake 50p.

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Origins of the 'Beard Of Bees'.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

Were you aware, minion, that bees are dying off by the millions all over North America? No. Studies show it was caused by a certain type of pesticide that was introduced in the 1990s. A pesticide that nobody can prove was concocted by a young man in my - I mean, his - basement. Anyone who thought ahead and stocked an underground cavern with 50 tons of honey is going to clean up. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Very bad man.

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

Kid sells underwear outside of hospital emergency doorway.

'When one trap door closes, another opens.'

'We have something with terrific fringe benefits. No salary - just fringe benefits.'

Dye now, pay later!

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

Hotel checkout.

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

"So you think people will line up to give us a job?"

Instant winner trash can

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

BAM! BAM! BAM! I'm sure opportunity wouldn't knock like that!

I'm about to get rich, Randy. Filthy rich. How so, little buddy? The federal government's going to seize privately owned lands along the U.S.-Mexico border so they can build Trump's wall. But they'll have to pay the landowners lots of money. So I bought a dirt cheap stretch of land along the border. But no one knows where exactly the wall will be. That's why I bought a 1-inch-wide strip of land that stretches from Colorado to Mexico. You're crazy like a fox that's gone crazy.

"I don't think we can approve you for homeschooling your child based on the fact that you signed your application with an 'X'."

"Just get over there and let me get a picture."

'That's the third wrong number today ordering pizza. Mrs. Beatton, put in a pizza department - we deliver!'

All Around the world, business leaders are rising to the challenge of climate change. . .

"You look at the ocean and see peace and tranquility. . . I see opportunities for offshore drilling!"