Online Gifts

'Next comes the cool part. Grab the clothes pegs. We're going online.'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Moses on the web

Right click for yes...

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"Stinkin' fake news!"

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"OMG, LOL!"

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

"Will follow you on social media for food."

Online Dating

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

"You may now kiss the bride."

Travelogue

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

"She looks just like in your photos."

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

INTERNET MARRIAGE.