Online Communications Gifts

"Thank goodness Facebook is back. For a few hours I had no idea where to direct my rage."

Lynching on social media

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Moses on the web

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

This Message Has No Content

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

"OMG, LOL!"

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"Will follow you on social media for food."

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

Online Dating

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

"She looks just like in your photos."

"You wake up after 100 years and the first thing you do is check your phone?"

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'Can't we handle this through more impersonal channels like text messaging?'

'My ring-tone's inaudible to humans.'