Internet Communication Gifts

"I gotta log off, guys - I just encountered some malicious spyware."

'Judy, we need to talk. Would you meet me in a chat room tonight?'

"So like, it's so cool to finally meet you in person."

Cyberspace Romance

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"My email is down... talk to me."

Lynching on social media

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'How fast can you hype?'

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

Campaign for Plain English

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."