Online Life Gifts

Twitter Pet

Pounding speeds up the computer.

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Moses on the web

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"Would you relax? They never look up."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"Textin’"

"OMG, LOL!"

Graduates on their phones

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"There, all neat and tidy!"

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

Online Dating

"Yes, you were born into the era of passwords and user-names. . . why do you ask, Mycat_2014?"

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"I neeeeeeed neeeeeeed neeeeeeed my iPhone!"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

Technology and Love

'I caught him watching tv, surfing the net, and playing video games ..book him!'

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'How do I get people to visit my...'

Zoom Wedding