Online Reviewer Gifts

Rate My Santa.com

'Nope...1443 bloggers have already panned it.'

"I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines s our country falls apart."

"It gets worse! She's recommended us as a bed & breakfast on Trip Advisor!"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"You call that a suit?"

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"How was the play!"

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

The Critic...

Online Dating for Dummies

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

'Oooh! My cousin got a 5 star review! What's it say?'

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

'Read any good book reviews lately?'

Internet Commenter Magazine.

Internet Name Tags.

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"