Online Reviewer Gifts

Rate My Santa.com

'Nope...1443 bloggers have already panned it.'

You don't find it strange I'm writing scathing Yelp reviews about this caf

"I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines s our country falls apart."

"It gets worse! She's recommended us as a bed & breakfast on Trip Advisor!"

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

"I've just been reincarnated, anyone here know what iphone we're up to?"

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

The Music Critic.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

The Critic...

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"How was the play!"

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

"Writing that book was a real strain."

Online Dating for Dummies

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"You call that a suit?"

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

'Oooh! My cousin got a 5 star review! What's it say?'

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

'Read any good book reviews lately?'