Review Reader Gifts

'I have no idea what it is, but 2357 customers bought this on Amazon.'

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

"It gets seven out of ten on TripAdvisor."

"Oh! I can't wait 'til he sees my online review of this place!"

'Oooh! My cousin got a 5 star review! What's it say?'

'Read any good book reviews lately?'

Who's really behind all one-star national parks reviews.

Who do these people think they are? What people? They're complaining about our prices, service, the use of single-ply toilet paper in the restroom

Listen to this Yelp review of our caf

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

Dust jackets for people.

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

"This is an intervention. It's clear that you've resumed your habit of reading the reviews."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

Mad Hatter's tea party.

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

The Music Critic.

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

dog reading EKG

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"How was the play!"

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

The Critic...

Literary critics have a very special sense of humor.

"You call that a suit?"