Reviewers Gifts

'Your bad attitude explodes across the living room, keeping me on the edge of my seat.'

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Can't Touch This

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

Book publishing.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

Performance reviews in Hell.

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"What I really want to do is chew up children’s books."

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"How was the play!"

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"You call that a suit?"

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

The Critic...

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

Literary critics have a very special sense of humor.

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'