Reviewer Gifts

Erractic Review

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

'It feels good to make a difference.'

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

"I'm a well known food critic, but I've never been able to turn it into cash."

The Critic...

'I'm rating stuff.'

"This is an intervention. It's clear that you've resumed your habit of reading the reviews."

"I'm starting to think those rave reviews about this place are rigged."

The Music Critic.

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"How was the play!"

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"Have you noticed that all the negative reviews were from somebody called by Beelzebub !"

"I used a ghost writer for the book, but I wrote all of the online reviews myself."

Restaurant Apps of the Deep

"And when you do your next review of our products, you mught want to dial back the exclamation points. It might be costing us credibility."

"You call that a suit?"

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Music Review. Editor. How did you describe the chamber music recital? "A thrill a minuet"!

Everyone's a critic.

You quit your job writing fake customer reviews online? Back to poverty. I couldn't stomach writing things that I didn't believe. I'd rather sit here and freeload coffee and whistle at babes than do some job that entails compromising my core values. I've spent a lifetime living on the fringes of life because I've refused to play the game. No managing up, no lying, no telling people what they want to hear. No suggesting to a women you might marry her if such a promise could lead to certain pleasu

"Baby, you can't listen to reviewers."

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

"Tell me, sir. Is it good or bad?"

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

"The reviews said the reviewers were very clever."

"I'm frustrated because I wish I were criticizing greater things."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"