Online Reviews Gifts

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

Bedbug Hotel Reviews

Cat Yelp.

"On the other hand, Louise N. of Metuchen, New Jersey, only gives you three stars."

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines s our country falls apart."

"Look! He slamming us on Yelp! Beat him to the punch and troll him on Twitter!"

Can't Touch This

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

"I've just been reincarnated, anyone here know what iphone we're up to?"

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

Performance reviews in Hell.

Online Dating for Dummies

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

Anyone else think the movie was better? Book club bouncer.

Everyone have enough to eat and drink? We can start the discussion! I'll have a drop of wine. Do you have another cookie? I could do one more cheese puff. Got it. No one's read the book. I googled lost of reviews!

'Gloria, what do I have to do to share a fascinating online article about the surprising ways to use watermelon?'

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

"I'm starting a Kickstarter campaign to fund a rival to Kickstarter."

Editor

'Careful with this next patient. He's not very litigious but he is a prolific online reviewer.'

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

'Nope...1443 bloggers have already panned it.'

"You do realize this may affect my review of you on Yelp?"

Praise for "OCTOBER SUN"

"Please excuse my husband his media bubble just burst."

Like every Tuesday, Dirk spends the evening working on his biography on Wikipedia.

"It gets worse! She's recommended us as a bed & breakfast on Trip Advisor!"

"Well, thanks for the box of raisins, but we can't promise you a very good Trick or Treat rating on Yelp."

Feedback Card: How was your death?

"...There was no such thing as ordering it through the interwebs, or whatever the heck you call it."