Online Critic Gifts

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

"Practicing my hate-face."

"Yeah, but this is a cat on a skateboard being arrested by a cop with a tattoo of the Confederate flag!"

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

Meet the People of the Internet

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'It's the council's flood defence system.'

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

Internet Commenter Magazine.

"In the old days people with small dicks needed big cars. Today they write hate comments against Greta Thunberg."

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'Careful with this next patient. He's not very litigious but he is a prolific online reviewer.'

'Nope...1443 bloggers have already panned it.'

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

"Of course you have a 'right to your opinion'. That doesn't make it any less stupid."

"Every night my neighbour turns into a hate commenting Internet troll... I much prefer this werewolf thing."

"It gets worse! She's recommended us as a bed & breakfast on Trip Advisor!"