Online Critic Gifts

That rant of yours about how nobody has any privacy anymore just showed up on YouTube.

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

Egguy JUMP!! 62 Eggs like this. Gr'Egg LOL. M'Egg OMG so funny!!!!! 3.

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

"Practicing my hate-face."

Meet the People of the Internet

"Yeah, but this is a cat on a skateboard being arrested by a cop with a tattoo of the Confederate flag!"

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'It's the council's flood defence system.'

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

Internet Commenter Magazine.

"In the old days people with small dicks needed big cars. Today they write hate comments against Greta Thunberg."

Sadie, I want to show you something. This is a great new Youtube video. Check it out. That's some random person doing hula hoop and singing a show tune. That. Makes. Me. So. Mad. Action. Aaaaahhhh.

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

Beware of the Blog.

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

"Hurry - get the family. I think he's about to communicate his final angry retweet."

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'Careful with this next patient. He's not very litigious but he is a prolific online reviewer.'

Facebookdead

'Nope...1443 bloggers have already panned it.'

"Of course you have a 'right to your opinion'. That doesn't make it any less stupid."

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

"It gets worse! She's recommended us as a bed & breakfast on Trip Advisor!"