Old-school Survivalist Gifts

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

Running out of Gas.

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

Drawing on an island.

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

"Grog understand supply and demand."

The Hard Drive Ate My Homework.

"I wish school was more like TV."

"There seems to be a difference of opinion as to how to implement the co-operative learning program!"

"Scotch and water, *hic* scotch and water..."

'It's called sustainable living. He can survive for days out here.'

"Summer is going by too fast. I'm Googling how to slow down time now, and speed up time during the school year."

"Second grade is tough, little brother. It's the year teachers no longer believe your dog ate your homework."

Man on desert island with a sail attached to two coconut trees.

"Eugene is retro. He thinks everything was better in low-def and black and white."

Welcome centre

"I don't tell you how to gather."

"Yesterday's weenies have migrated in with today's nuggets."

"Yes, it's report card time again."

"Darn it! No more cups!"