Old-school Survivalist Gifts

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

Running out of Gas.

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

Drawing on an island.

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

"Grog understand supply and demand."

"There seems to be a difference of opinion as to how to implement the co-operative learning program!"

"Scotch and water, *hic* scotch and water..."

"I wish school was more like TV."

The Hard Drive Ate My Homework.

'It's called sustainable living. He can survive for days out here.'

"Summer is going by too fast. I'm Googling how to slow down time now, and speed up time during the school year."

"Second grade is tough, little brother. It's the year teachers no longer believe your dog ate your homework."

Man on desert island with a sail attached to two coconut trees.

"Eugene is retro. He thinks everything was better in low-def and black and white."

Welcome centre

"I don't tell you how to gather."

"Yes, it's report card time again."

"Yesterday's weenies have migrated in with today's nuggets."

"Darn it! No more cups!"

Teacher said the C's she put face up indicate slight improvement.