Nutrition Satirist Gifts

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'The FDA has found that food causes cancer. They're going to outlaw food!'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

School Cafeteria. I'm beginning to understand why the first-graders eat paste. (Published originally on Jan. 11, 1995.)

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'Go ahead and have another candy bar. Adults say they want us to lose weight, but they're always trying to hide behind us. This will make it easier for them.'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"It's a nutritious synthetic protein that will be a sensation if we can sell it as a worthless snack."

"Two vegans, please."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

The Official Covid-19 Diet

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'The customer is always right...'

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"Turns out it was all water weight."

You are what you eat

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

Energy Drinks

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

Doctor's recommend a well balanced diet...

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'