Nutrition-minded Jokester Gifts

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The customer is always right...'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Well, then - two apples a day."

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

Weight Gain Denial

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Is it working?"

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

You are what you eat

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."