Nutrition Jokester Gifts

"Extra pickles on your burger doesn't mean you're eating a plant-based diet."

"A pint of chocolate ice cream is a reasonable equivalent for a half cup of non-fat yoghurt, right?"

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

You are what you eat

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."