Nutrition Joke Lover Gifts

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

You are what you eat

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'I'm not really hungry but I keep eating tons of fish because I need the Omega 3 fish oil to help lower my triglycerides.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

'I've got rotten teeth and you need glasses, ironic does not even cover it!'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

'It hurts when I cackle!'

Health food and junk food

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

Nightmares donuts have.

'Finish your ice cream, young man, or no salad.'

"Would a test have told us if my goldfish had coronavirus?"

"It's glutton-free."

An Expert's Guide to What's Good and What's Bad to Eat and Drink.