Jokester About Diets Gifts

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Weight Gain Denial

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'