Dieting Jokester Gifts

'An olive please. I need the greens.'

'You probably think I've got a cheek putting you on a diet!'

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

'A table near the food, please.'

Buoyancy Weight

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Fast Food Dieter

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Weight Gain Denial

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."