Weight Loss Jokester Gifts

'If you want to keep slim, you've come to the right place!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

Snail Pattern Balding.

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

No caption (A lumberjack runs on a rolling log in a machine built like a treadmill).

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'I'm pretty sure this thing wasn't a @$#%& health hazard when I was drying my underwear on it!'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Caution: high speed treadmill, hole in wall behind it

"It's improv night."

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

Gym. Trainer. What's with this "burning calories"? Why can't we just lightly toast them?

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Cruz! Are you eyeballin’ me? Eyes shut during savasana! You hear me? Lance, get up and give me 10 headstand pushups to help Cruz here shut her eyes."

"Turns out it was all water weight."

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'Work the ring! Use the Jab! Watch out for the left hook! And turn off your iPod.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

Gym. He claims he does that routine for an hour before starting his cardio workout. Do you believe him? It's a bit of a stretch!