Weight Loss Jokester Pillows

'If you want to keep slim, you've come to the right place!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

Snail Pattern Balding.

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

'I'm pretty sure this thing wasn't a @$#%& health hazard when I was drying my underwear on it!'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Caution: high speed treadmill, hole in wall behind it

"It's improv night."

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

"Cruz! Are you eyeballin’ me? Eyes shut during savasana! You hear me? Lance, get up and give me 10 headstand pushups to help Cruz here shut her eyes."

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

Just Do It. Just Did It.