Weight Management Jokester Gifts

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Weight Gain Denial

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

"Turns out it was all water weight."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Is it working?"

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."