Health Food Satirist Gifts

A panda waiting for bamboo juice

The Toxic Avocado Critic

Sign in health food store : Suitable for people on a flavour-free diet.

Doctor's recommend a well balanced diet...

"Well, there are organs in it, so, yeah, I guess you could say it's 'organic'!"

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Two vegans, please."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

Energy Drinks

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

Diet Donuts - (Bigger holes).

'Table cloth is filthy.' 'We've been open since 1976.'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.