Health Food Humorists Gifts

Healthy Gingerbread House

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"Gesundheit!"

Garlic Free Zone.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

My Dream Valentine