Healthy Living Satirist Gifts

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Health

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

Spanx Tells Me No

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

Energy Drinks

'I should try the polyclinic, sir.'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

'The doctor said I need more calcium in my diet, so I'm switching from dark chocolate to milk chocolate.'

'The ailing matisse tries cutting out meat and diary products'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.