Non-alcoholic Aficionado Gifts

'Imitation cheese and non-alcoholic wine tasting.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Sauvignon Bonk

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"Now I really hate poetry."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

You're the botanicals in my gin

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"I make it myself!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Do you think there's ANY possibility that the 76 pints of lager,13 bottles of wine and 12 kilos of chocolate you've had MAY have contributed to you feeling 'a bit under the weather'?"