Non-alcoholic Aficionado T-Shirts

'Imitation cheese and non-alcoholic wine tasting.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Sauvignon Bonk

"Now I really hate poetry."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

You're the botanicals in my gin

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"I make it myself!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"Another flue shot, Larry.