Non-alcoholic Drinker Gifts

"Two non-fat lattes and a decaf flat white, please."

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

'New Barbeque.'

"It must be a youth culture!" (Lager, boobs, lager, babes,footie, girls,lager.)

"Wine goes straight to my head."

Quick gin. Sloe gin

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"Unfortunately as the law stands at the moment 13 pints and a curry because you had a crap day isn't tax deductible!"

Somehow I thought it may be different up here.

"Most men have a tankard, but oh no, not you."

'At midnight we want to move to the non-smoking section so my husband can keep his New Year's resolution.'

"Honey, I'll be right back – I forgot to stop at the bar on the way home."

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

The professor had developed a product that would change the world forever.

"What the ... this is rootbeer."

"If I admit that I was wrong I would be admitting to myself that my whole life and everything I am and believe in is based on lies!"

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

The Guy Who Invented An Alcohol Substitute

I'd suggest less drinking, less smoking and less watching Paris Hilton on TV as good New Years' resolutions.

"Compliments of the gentleman at the end of the bar."

'Non-alcoholic wines? Aisle 7, on the left - just keep shoveling dust 'til you hit them.'

"Poor sod, never a fag in his live, big C got him just the same."

"Sometimes I think, why am I here? What's the point?"

Pump with 'I can't believe it's not bitter'. 'It's our new non-alcoholic beer.'

'How obvious.'

injured skier says medicinal brandy is bad

"If I'd known they had so little to drink I'd have brought the car."

'I'm afraid physics cannot explain why cigarette smoke always blows toward the non-smoker...'

"I tried self-hypnosis to quit smoking. Unfortunately, I have no memory of it."

No alcohol for me thanks: I'm a Water Buffalo...

"Does anybody mind if I smoke?"

Non-alcoholic drinks.