Non-alcoholic Adventurer Gifts

"What the ... this is rootbeer."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Empty Nester Apple Picking - "Not THAT one, you idiot!"

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

'I'm not sure my heart could take the excitement.'

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"We’re trying to inject a little pastoralism into our lives."

Pub Kendo.

'Seriously, who ever heard of swimming with dolphin-friendly tuna?'

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

Man in a raft with a balloon animal.

Introducing Brocco. The world's first broccoli-flavored liqueur!

"Seriously. . . I used to leap them in a single bound!"

'For a moment there, I thought he was my kind of man, drinking doubles...'

"You're the one who wanted to go someplace off the beaten track - you ask him what's gluten free."

'This horchata de chufas, it's very moreish you know.'

Success often means distracting the competition.

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

'This is the spot I was telling you about.'

"It's half price because we ran out of lemons and used crushed onions."

Tell me more about the sunflower seed diet.

'It's Thanksgiving.. do you have any CRANBERRY VODKA?'

"I'll have one for the floor bartender..."

"Can't keep away, eh...?"

'Non-alcoholic wines? Aisle 7, on the left - just keep shoveling dust 'til you hit them.'

"I bet they filmed that here."

"Fancy a game of get-dressed poker?"

"Hey, what is this stuff? It makes everything I think seem profound?"

Your usual ginseng pumpernickel ostrich-sweat latte? No thanks. I wanna try something different today. The pecan praline white chocolate mocha's also good. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have one of those. Coming up. But can you substitute macadamia nut for the pecan? That'll take some work, but it's doable. Thank you. And can you substitute turkey tears for the praline? Turkey tears sound good. And can you substitute pureed bagel for the mocha? Pureed bagel sounds lovely. I see where this is going

"We card everyone. You're too old for a Shirley Temple."

"Sometimes I think, why am I here? What's the point?"