Non-alcoholic Beer Adventurer Gifts

Pump with 'I can't believe it's not bitter'. 'It's our new non-alcoholic beer.'

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

Bottle Distillery

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"I was wondering if you could recommend a good 'hoppy' beer?"

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"Oh yes,decidedly hoppy."

'Oi! '

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

"Okay, we got one cherry lager, with bitters and a pineapple slice, and one honey malt ale with cinnamon and an orange weist. You want these in steins or parfait glasses?"

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'For a moment there, I thought he was my kind of man, drinking doubles...'

Introducing Brocco. The world's first broccoli-flavored liqueur!

"Seriously. . . I used to leap them in a single bound!"

'This horchata de chufas, it's very moreish you know.'

'It's from the local microbrewery.'

"What the ... this is rootbeer."

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

"If I admit that I was wrong I would be admitting to myself that my whole life and everything I am and believe in is based on lies!"

And now bring the girls!

'It's Thanksgiving.. do you have any CRANBERRY VODKA?'

"Can't keep away, eh...?"

"It's half price because we ran out of lemons and used crushed onions."

"I'll have one for the floor bartender..."

"IPAs, Crafts and Ales ... oh my!"

'Non-alcoholic wines? Aisle 7, on the left - just keep shoveling dust 'til you hit them.'

Your usual ginseng pumpernickel ostrich-sweat latte? No thanks. I wanna try something different today. The pecan praline white chocolate mocha's also good. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have one of those. Coming up. But can you substitute macadamia nut for the pecan? That'll take some work, but it's doable. Thank you. And can you substitute turkey tears for the praline? Turkey tears sound good. And can you substitute pureed bagel for the mocha? Pureed bagel sounds lovely. I see where this is going

"We card everyone. You're too old for a Shirley Temple."

'Jim should call his home brew Lottery Ticket - there's about a 1-in-50-million chance of being happy with it.'

"Hey, what is this stuff? It makes everything I think seem profound?"

"You're home early."