Non-drinker By Choice Gifts

No alcohol for me thanks: I'm a Water Buffalo...

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"Wine goes straight to my head."

"Most men have a tankard, but oh no, not you."

"Honey, I'll be right back – I forgot to stop at the bar on the way home."

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'At midnight we want to move to the non-smoking section so my husband can keep his New Year's resolution.'

The professor had developed a product that would change the world forever.

"What the ... this is rootbeer."

Global warming finally hits home. . .

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'Give me a whisky without ice, we should all do our bit.'

"Two non-fat lattes and a decaf flat white, please."

'I first became concerned when I noticed how much faster the ice was melting in my gin and tonic.'

I'd suggest less drinking, less smoking and less watching Paris Hilton on TV as good New Years' resolutions.

'Ask for a glass from the largest bottle. You'll get more that way.'

'Non-alcoholic wines? Aisle 7, on the left - just keep shoveling dust 'til you hit them.'

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

Tee-totalitarian

I'm the Bluebird of Happy Motoring. If you must drink, don't drive!

"Actually, I drink to forget what my car is doing to affect global warming."

"Somethin' here says this wine is 'su-stainable.' That means if you get any on 'ya, it won't come out!"

"Sometimes I think, why am I here? What's the point?"

'No ice for me thanks: I'm sick of ice everywhere...'

"I gotta start taking better care of myself, Joe - you got any high-fiber whisky?"

"If I'd known they had so little to drink I'd have brought the car."

"No more for me, thanks. I'm responsibly sauced."

'-and you'll see him in church the day he sees you in the Red Lion.'

injured skier says medicinal brandy is bad

'Well, if you're off wine and women, how the hell did you get in this state?'

Non-alcoholic drinks.

'Imitation cheese and non-alcoholic wine tasting.'

"Deaf ear" turned to 'Ministry of defence launches anti-smoking campaign'