Alcohol Abstainers Gifts

injured skier says medicinal brandy is bad

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Father and son with matching beer crates.

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"Here's the deal. If it tastes good, don't eat it."

Introducing Brocco. The world's first broccoli-flavored liqueur!

"Our rule of thumb is: if it tastes good, don't eat it."

"I graduated summa cum laude caffeine-free, I'll have you know."

"Sometimes, you will be asked to go days without Netflix."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'It's Thanksgiving.. do you have any CRANBERRY VODKA?'

"Can't keep away, eh...?"

"I'm saving my abstinence for marriage."

"Two non-fat lattes and a decaf flat white, please."

"No more vodka from Russia. From now on there will be only western liquor. I'm a freedom drunk!"

"No wine or song! That doesn't leave much does it?"

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

"Surely a total abstainer would abstain from abstention?"

"Your 'walking bus' to the pub's arrived!"

Tee-totalitarian

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

"Sometimes I think, why am I here? What's the point?"

"This is the best news I've read in a long time."

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

"You animal! You've eaten the booze-filled Easter eggs again, right??!"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'I tried jogging once, but it frothed up my beer.'