Alcohol-free Advocate Gifts

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Smokey The Tree"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

Woman's Support Group: No Bra, No Griddle, No Service.

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'Remind me: are we on our way to the pub or coming home from the pub?'

"They took my pellets, man, I been hitting' that lever al day, they took my PELLETS!"

"Tomorrow, we'll take on the tobacco industry."

'Now I understand why people want to give them up.'

"Me, I became an outdoor cat when her new boyfriend moved in: he smokes in the house..."

The Three Passive/Aggressive, Co-Enabling, Chemically-Dependent Billy Goats Gruff

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

Drinking Conversion Chart

Smoking Cessation Clinic - Formerly The Pub.

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

"Tell me about your problem drinking."

"Our rule of thumb is: if it tastes good, don't eat it."

Alex Higgins

'Smoke free buildings' chase man with cigarette

'Hi John, it's your partner, Peter. I've decided to have a non-smokers day off - it should just make up for all the cigarette breaks you've taken in the last month!'

Office Smoking Conflict

'You can only take this so far Ms.Jones.'

Don't do drugs and Don't sniff glue T-Shirts.

Dog Passive Smoking

'I just feel so guilty if they don't get off the leash at least once a week.'

"...No more black coffee!"

Amy Winehouse

Lung Disease Treatment.