Alcohol Abstainers T-Shirts

injured skier says medicinal brandy is bad

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Father and son with matching beer crates.

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"Here's the deal. If it tastes good, don't eat it."

Introducing Brocco. The world's first broccoli-flavored liqueur!

"Our rule of thumb is: if it tastes good, don't eat it."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

"I graduated summa cum laude caffeine-free, I'll have you know."

"Sometimes, you will be asked to go days without Netflix."

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'It's Thanksgiving.. do you have any CRANBERRY VODKA?'

"I'm saving my abstinence for marriage."

"Two non-fat lattes and a decaf flat white, please."

"No more vodka from Russia. From now on there will be only western liquor. I'm a freedom drunk!"

"Can't keep away, eh...?"

"I'm getting not-so-subtle hints of Dry January remorse, envy and resentment."

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

"No wine or song! That doesn't leave much does it?"

"Your 'walking bus' to the pub's arrived!"

Tee-totalitarian

"Surely a total abstainer would abstain from abstention?"

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

"Sometimes I think, why am I here? What's the point?"

I'm sorry, Axel, but this show is so bad that the only way I can bingewatch it is if it's an alcohol binge.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'I'm a teetotaler.'

"You animal! You've eaten the booze-filled Easter eggs again, right??!"

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

'I tried jogging once, but it frothed up my beer.'